Hello. I know I’ve been quiet on here for most of this year. What can I say but the truth. I have felt disconnected from my own writing. I got caught up in the rollercoaster of life. At times, it felt like I was drowning in all that was going on this year. What prompted me to jump on here and share this, was an inkling that a lot of people feel what I do. Perhaps me sharing my thoughts may resonate and help someone.
To give some context to this piece, I had about 3 weeks holiday from my day job. The run up to this was filled with an excess of stress that was reflected physically and emotionally. I wasn’t sleeping, lots of aches and pains, brain fog and emotional rollercoasters. The whole year of drama and trauma from every angle was hitting me, and exhaustion was high.
Do you ever just think, I’ll be ok I’ve just got to make it till x, y or z? I thought exactly this. I’ve just got to make it to my time off. Of course, I then caught a cold a few days after my leave and felt rotten, had my birthday and was due to go to Scotland the day after on the 20th September. I had planned about 10 days away to Berwick, Edinburgh and then 5 days in the Loch Lomond area.
This adventure in Scotland was really an eye-opening experience. (Too much to put in this piece). Despite me feeling ill the first few days, Scotland was everything I needed it to be and more. When I came back, adjusting to my life and my current reality was tough. Hence this piece reflecting on 2023. It's been a reflective rollercoaster journey.
We're in the last quarter of the year and 2024 is a few months away. I don’t want to get in the doldrums and get caught up in new year’s goals. Change starts anytime, right? So, a reality check in. Where am I now? How has this year gone so far? What do I want to focus on for the rest of 2023?
Where am I now Right now I feel like I'm in a sort of twilight zone period of my life. One of adjustment, change and unseen paths yet to light up for me. I have made some changes already and in that weird in between phase before the change manifests physically into life. I’ve returned from my adventure in Scotland. I followed an intuitive pull that led me there. I opened myself up to the experience and it was spiritual and eye opening.
I'm wondering what steps I take next. I had a plan before I left, one that I'm amending to match the epiphanies had in Scotland. How has this year gone so far?
There has been a ton of craziness, unimaginable horror, pain (physical and emotional), finding my inner strength, some shocks and in between moments of beauty and growth. I stand triumphant because I'm alive. I'm here and I've made it through the year. Perhaps my life by society's standards doesn't look successful. Perhaps I don't tick all the boxes society demands. Yet, and most importantly, I am a success in the place it matters most. Within myself, developing and growing who I am and my skills/strengths. I can withstand the storms and still grow and ultimately thrive. The evidence is there, the track record proven, I have already triumphed and know there is a warrior within me. No matter what life brings, even if I temporarily forget in the moment, I will be fine and I will make it through. I will ultimately thrive. I have all the internal tools to do so. Forged in the fire. Of course, there is still trauma and pain to be released and is leaving in layers. What do I want to focus on for the rest of 2023? Joy, my health, gentleness with myself, putting myself first and creating memories with those I love. My intention is to keep following the thread that led me to Scotland and see where it takes me. My intention is to let my heart be the compass and to continue to build a heart centred life. This to me means doing what I love, being in places I love, being around people I love and living from my heart. Instead of letting ego or fear take the reins of my life. It’s a constant work in progress. Hmm tall order? Well, baby steps.
I picked up an old diary I used to write in back in 2018. I was doing a course with a holistic centre. The tutor asked what our intentions/goals were. I wrote to live a heart centred life. This made me chuckle in amazement at the wonder of life. Unintentionally I can see since this period, I have been doing that. I had forgotten that I had written that. It was nice to be reminded and to see that my heart really has been my compass.
Physical goals Continue to build and grow my wedding business www.lovinglypenned.com Continue to write my stories and discover outlets for them. Build up my energy and strengthen my body.
Spend time in nature. A few secret goals close to my heart. The rest of 2023 is about ensuring my foundation is strong and paving the way for 2024 and the direction I'm going in. Here's to a heart centred 2024 and letting everything else fall away.
So, how about you?